Little man, big personality. (From Candy Czernicki).

"It all started in Cannon Falls, MN, in a strip bar."

That, friends, is your first clue that you are in for an adventure. Meet 4-foot-6 "Bad Boy Brian" Thoe, 37, professional midget wrestler.

He's also been a drummer in a heavy metal band, an Oompa Loompa, a security guy in the Jerry Springer Show and a human bowling ball.

"All I'm doing is living a dream," he said.

The dream began when Eddie Sharkey, a legendary professional wrestling trainer who counts Jesse Ventura among his students, approached Thoe in that infamous Cannon Falls club and asked if he was interested in becoming a professional midget wrestler.

"I was working at Fiesta Foods at the time, and used my vacation time to see what it was like," Thoe said. "I came home and gave my two week's notice."

Learning to wrestle "was almost like going into the military," Thoe said. "I trained at this gym in St. Joseph, MO with no air conditioning. It was a wood wrestling ring -- no air circulation. You learn each move and get up and do it again."

There are two things people always want to know. One is, if wrestling is fake.

"Yes, but no," Thoe said. "It is, but it still hurts. Sometimes they do hit you hard or stomp or kick. The bottom line is, it still hurts. If you don't have a pain tolerance, you won't make it."

The other question is if he's offended by the term "midget." That answer is a straight no.

"I call other people midgets," he said. "I don't care if they like it or not.

"I love midget jokes," he added, proving it by offering up a rapid-fire string of them.

Thoe has appeared on WWE shows, TNA and Whacked Out Sports and does a number of imdependent shows. Although he's a family man now, he still loves the road.

"The things I've seen happen on the road -- you name it, I've seen it. But knowing me, I'll probably be doing this until the day I die. It's in my blood, hardcore. It's like the world's strongest legalized drug. I'm addicted to it."

His only non-wrestling addiction, he added, is copious quantities of Mountain Dew.

"My Lifestyle now is Mr. Mom. But as soon as I leave, I'm Bad Boy Brian."

Thoe grew up in Lake City and now lives there with his fiance, their infant daughter, two stepchildren and assorted other family.

"I was baptized, confirmed, graduated in this town," he said. "I lived on the farm for most of my life. If I ever have a big contract deal, I'd buy the farm right back."

Wrestlers play different styles and call each other by their stage names at all times, Thoe said. His road family bears similarities to his Lake City one.

"You gotta get along or it just doesn't work," he said. "I avoid drama as much as I possibly can. Even if I know (what's going on), I don't know nothing. I just want to do my job and mind my own business."

For now, he's enjoying life as an entertainer.

"I study entertainment constantly," he said. "In the next 20 ore 30 years, I'd like like to find a movie producer or do a book on my history and experience in the entertainment inudstry.

"I have no regrets in my life. I live it to the fullest. If something interests me, I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to die happy because I've given everything I've got, no regrets."

Questions For Your Creativity (From Lael Johnson)

Sit down and ask yourself some of these questions, during your free and quiet time. Listen carefully to what your creativity has to say to you.

C:
What is the cost of pursuing your creativity?
What is the cost if you don’t pursue your creativity?
How much time does nurturing your creativity take?
How much time are you willing to give to your nururing your creativity?

R:
What resources do you need to nurure your creativity?
**Emotional?
**Spiritual?
**Physical?
**Intellectual?

E:
How much time are you willing to experiment with your creativity?
How much percolating time do you need?
How much production time do you need?

A:
What associations do you need to join?
What type of artist buddy(ies) do you need to find?
What type of networking do you need to pursue?

T:
What kind of personality do you have?
How comfortable are you with experimentation?
How comfortable are you with developing your creativie discipline?
What is your first reaction to the phrase “problem-solving”?

I:
What artistic invitations would you like to receive?
What artistic events do you see yourself pariticpating in?
What artistic events do you find enjoyable, stimulating or inspiring?

V:
What venues does your creativve ability thrive in?
What venues do not fit with your creativie ability?
What venues can you create for your work? Or can you create to display the work of others?

I:
What causes touch your heart?
Are you inspired to use your art to support your favorit cause(s)?
What artists inspire you, because they produce their art to support a specific cause?

T:
Where do you develop your creative themes?
How long does it take for you choose an idea?
What are some of your least favorite themes?

Y:
Why do you want to express your creativity?
Why do you want to mentor other creative people?
Why do you maintain your daily creative discipline?

Volcano Surfing (From David Wilson).

Jagged ash, stinky gas, shoe-melting heat: on the surface, an active volcano's attributes make it a poor platform for sport, even the extreme kind. But "volcano surfing" or "ash boarding" exists and consists of what you expect: surfing down the side of a volcano.

Bare bones

All you need is a metal-bottomed board and nerves of steel (or a streak of insanity). Like a sledge-rider, you start by slogging up your volcano's sooty slopes on foot.

Rough cut

Then, like a sandboarder, whoosh!

You skid downhill, sitting or standing and trying damn hard to keep your balance. Because wiping out hurts, at the risk of resembling a mad scientist you should wear protective gear — boiler suits and goggles. Only lunatics wear bikinis.

Pyromania

Speaking of lunatics, in July 2008, after leaving an offering for the Hawaiian fire goddess Pele on a nearby beach, Hawaii-based pro-surfer C J Kanuha approached the world's most active volcano: the Big Island's Kilauea.

Positioned by a canoeist and a jet skier, Kanuha paddled as close as he dared, edging within just 6 metres of the lava. Reportedly thrilled by the experience, he then beat a retreat from the water that reached 200°C in places, melting the wax on his surfboard and peeling skin from his legs.

Kings of Leon

If you fancy a crack at volcano surfing without being boiled, the volcano to visit is Nicaragua's Cerro Negro (Black Mountain). Since 2005, over 13,000 adventurers — including five Survivor contestants — have surfed Cerro Negro, according to tour firm Bigfoot, which runs sessions on plywood boards (a better vehicle than mattresses, which have been tried).

Miracle birth

Charred and bare, Cerro Negro stands some 30 kilometres from the northern Nicaraguan colonial city of Leon. Like a miracle, Cerro Negro just appeared in 1850 in the heart of a cornfield.

Ever since, the sulphur-stained, wind-buffeted oddity without a speck of vegetation has been growing. Now, Cerro Negro stands over 700 metres tall.

Vicious temper

Despite its barren looks, Cerro Negro has erupted over 20 times. That makes it volatile compared to your average volcano, which is content to let the grass grow.

Cerro Negro last erupted in 1999, vomiting rocks and sending farmers scurrying. Even now, smoke and gas spew from its various vents. You can smell the sulphur.

When, after a 45-minute hike, you reach Cerro Negro's seething peak, you may admire the local national park's lush contours. In the meantime, in case your soles melt, you must keep moving and deflect the advances of updraft-borne stinging insects.

Speed demons

When the time comes to unwind, go with gravity. And unless you want to eat granite for breakfast, keep your mouth shut. Spine straight. Lean back. Smile for the radar gun!

During your eight-second ride, you will travel far faster than lava — up to 82 kilometres an hour, unless you are French extreme speed cyclist Eric Barone.

Red baron

In May 2002, on a first run down the steep lava bed, sat astride a standard mountain bike, Barone smashed the world record he set there two years before, clocking 163 km/h. His second run, on a specially modified bike, ended in horror. Apparently striking a rock, his bicycle snapped in two — the one-time Sylvester Stallone stunt double flew downhill.

Barone broke several ribs and his sternum, but triumphed. When the crash happened the action hero nicknamed the Red Baron had crossed the speed sensor, clocking 172 km/h.

Cuties

Unlike Barone, who is now nudging 50, most of the everyday speed freaks in overalls who zoom down the slopes are tousle-haired 20-somethings. The youngest ever, according to Bigfoot, was 12 (too young to do an official tour). The oldest was a Swedish 74-year-old, who must have been tough.

Raw nerve

Deceptively, the uploaded clips that you see make surfing Cerro Negro look like a party. Do not underestimate the courage it takes to face the dirty granite dust sharp as broken glass, plus the plunging gradient and heat of up to 40 degrees — damn hot in a boilersuit.

One-up

After rocketing down from the summit, you may well be cut, but one-up on those wussies who think that surfing cold wet waves is exciting.

Ballistic

Surfing Cerro Negro just might be the ultimate thrill ride — the mega-adrenalin hit which extreme sports addicts crave and perpetually seek. The quietly seething magma mountain could erupt any second.

Getting there

The nearest commercial airport to Leon is in the country's capital, Managua. From Managua, you can easily hire a rental car and drive the remaining 90 kilometres along a new highway. Or you can take a bus from Mercado Israel or the microbuses that leave from La UCA (La Universidad de Centro Americana).

For more information check out Bigfoot Nicaragua, Tierra Tour or Tours Nicaragua. The cost is about $30 and the duration about five hours. Expect a dawn start.

In the Sweet Buy and Buy (From Linda Van Slyke)

Black Friday, so-named because it helps change the red ink of debt into the blank ink of profit, has become the high holy day of consumerism.

Worse than that, it has become the ultimate symbol of what Dr. John B. Cobb, Jr. calls “economism” - which he defines as “the conviction that economic values are the most important, and the restructuring of society to express that valuation.” Economism not only encourages consumerism, but also fosters a clinging to wealth (investments, possessions, savings) as a means of insuring security and worth.

Since insuring security and worth used to be the purview (and lure) of religion, Cobb also defines economism as “the first truly successful world religion.” He describes it as “the most powerful and successful idolatry of all time.”

Case in point: Are people rolling out of bed and shivering on long lines in order to catch Sunday morning’s sermon? How about Saturday morning’s minyan? Friday’s noon prayers? Are the masses stampeding the pearly gates the way they are the mall ones? Do they come bearing gifts – or do they leave buying gifts?

A person’s true faith is more often revealed by a checkbook than by an autobiography. Money not only goes where the mouth is, but also where the heart is. The beloved Unitarian theologian, James Luther Adams, claimed that everyone has a religion, many just don’t know it. Religion is focused upon that which people have confidence (faith) in. This can often be determined by where they commit their time, energy, attention and resources.

Mart or heart? For some, there’s a huge theological gulf between the two…

Resources

http://www.rochesterunitarian.org/2000-01/20010729.html

http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=1089

Keep an eye out for helicopters

I heard an old joke recently (you may have heard it, too) that I think is quite applicable to freelance writing.

With the water rising rapidly in a flood, a truck pulls up to a man's front door and offers to take him away before it's too late. He refuses, saying: "I'm a Christian, and I know God will save me."

A few hours later, the man is forced to retreat to the second floor as flood waters creep up the side of his house. Some rescuers arrive with a boat, but he sends them away, declaring: "I'm a Christian, and I know that God will save me."

Finally, the man is on his roof, clinging to the chimney, when a helicopter hovers just above him and drops down a rope ladder. "Thanks, but no," the man yells against the noise of the rotors. "I'm a Christian, and I know God will save me."

Soon after, the water closes over the roof, and the man drowns. He finds himself at the Pearly Gates, standing in front of St. Peter, and he says: "You know, I have to tell you, I was really hurt that I trusted God to save me, and he didn't."

St. Peter shakes his head in disbelief.

"What do you want?" he tells the man. "He sent you an truck, a boat and a helicopter."

I sense that this parable applies to a lot of freelancers. There are rope ladders dangling all around us -- on-line newsletters, writers' groups and services like this one -- but you have to reach up and grab them. Put other way, you can't sell anything if you don't try. And if you wait for editors to contact you, you'll probably drown.

Frustrations, and possible solutions

Last week, I asked for insights into the current frustrations facing freelance writers. One Writers' Bridge member, Marilyn Noble, put it very well -- therefore, I'm posting her thoughts here, along with some comments and possible solutions.

Freelance obstacles

Darrell, thanks for the nudge. I think freelancing has become markedly more difficult since I started more than a decade ago. I'm seeing challenges in several areas: Getting paid -- While there are many more markets now than there used to be, the vast majority of the...m pay so little that you can't make a living writing for them. The magazines that will pay a buck a word are few and far between, and a good number of those have seen their page counts shrink with the economy so they buy fewer articles. Magazines demand more rights than they used to and tend to pay later (after publication rather than on acceptance), making cash flow management tricky. Competition -- There are many more people freelancing than there used to be. So many journalists have been laid off and can't find jobs, and many of them have turned to freelancing. And then there are plenty of hobby writers who are willing to write for next to nothing or worse just to see their names in print. Quality -- Many markets, especially on-line, are willing to print almost anything, and they pay so little that they get inferior work from people who are either lazy or don't know better. Content mills seem to be driving this trend. So if you're a professional writer who spends time on research and lots of rewrites before you submit your work, your hourly rate is below the poverty level, while those who can slam out 300-word, semi-literate but optimized blog posts can at least make pocket change while they keep their day jobs. I guess what it boils down to is that good writers and good writing are no longer as valued as they used to be. I'm usually pretty upbeat and optimistic about the world, but I think this is a sad situation for those of us who are professionals. I don't know many writers any more who make a living solely from freelance work -- everybody is taking on whatever projects will pay the bills. A friend of mine calls this "giganomics" -- having to do lots of different gigs to make a living. So that's my take on things. What is everybody else experiencing?

A few thoughts ...

Alas, there's nothing any of us can do about the "content mills" that pay $10 an article. A lot of this is obviously exploitation, but I also know some of the folks in that business who can't afford to pay any more. And while some writers will take those jobs, no one is forcing you to be one of them. Getting mad about it is just a waste of energy.

So how do we, as experienced writers, go about standing out in the crowd with the higher-paying markets? And how can The Writers' Bridge help? I have a few long-term ideas ...

1. I would like to finish building a bridge to the other side, meaning the editors and publishers of magazines, newspapers and Websites. What TWB can do, ultimately, is provide a collective credibility. If we can guarantee as a group that articles will be written as agreed upon, submitted on time, and completely free of typos and grammatical errors, we can break through te natural reluctance of editors to use writers with whom they are unfamiliar. Every success story needs to have a matching validation from that customer. Eventually, word will get around.

Of course, how to build that bridge remains an issue. These days, there is often a "cyber-moat" around the castles of media, and one never knows if a pitch or a query or an invitation ever gets to the right person. It may take personal visits or attendance at editors' conferences, and I'm willing to do that.

2. We need to build our membership. This is obviously essential for me, since that's what pays our bills. But it's also essential for the group as a whole. The more writers we have, in more places, the more chances we have of coming across unique stories that will sell.

3. My goal is to start up at least one magazine, with TWB members as the contributors.

Any other suggestions would be welcomed. My primary reason for asking for freelance problems is to open the door for freelance solutions.

Five qualities all freelancers need

1. MOTIVATION. It's easy for freelancing to slip to the bottom of your to-do list, especially if you don't have any clients at the moment. Your "day job," your family (or your dog or cat) and the necessary rituals of living all all conspire to claim your attention and time. These responsibilities are immediate and obvious; freelancing is not. What harm will it do if you wait until Thursday to write that query you were going to produce on Tuesday? And when Thursday arrives, why not Monday?

Somehow, from somewhere, you have to dredge up the motivation to advance your freelancing career. Sit down with your partner and/or family and enlist their aid in carving out some quiet writing space each week without neglecting your other duties. If you ask them, they will probably offer support.

When you think about it, it's a lot like finding time for daily workouts or adhering to a diet. The advantages are down the road, but they are no less real.

PATIENCE. For every 100 writers who try to earn a living (or even a second income) at freelancing, I would estimate that 80 percent fall away from lack of patience. I often employ a fishing analogy -- sometimes the fish (or the clients) are biting, and sometimes no bait seems to work. Often, the first market you query isn't interested. At such times, I would invoke a line from a Jimmy Buffett song: "Breathe in, breathe out, move on."

It also helps to distance yourself somewhat from your efforts. Send out as many queries as you can, then forget about them. The worst thing you can do is pitch one major market, then sit and wait for a response that may never come.

CURIOSITY. I would list that as the No. 1 quality for any writer. If you are blessed with that, you will rarely run out of ideas. Every waking hour of your life, you'll be surrounded by them.

FLEXIBILITY. Things rarely turn out the way you envision in freelancing. The market that you've decided is perfect for one of your ideas doesn't feel the same way. On the other hand, a throwaway query for which you had no hope bears fruit. An editor sends you an e-mail asking you to rewrite an article completely. That source you really needed at the last minute is on vacation without a cell phone.

It's always good to have a plan, but realize that plans must always be fluid.

CONFIDENCE. This is perhaps the hardest quality to muster for a freelancer, because there are so many reasons to be discouraged. Even established writers often suffer from a lack of faith -- no matter how much you've achieved, you're only as good as your last project.

Writers, then, most learn not only to like themselves, but what they write. Even more importantly, they need to arrive at the sober realization that any creative endeavor is prone to subjectivity.

How many times have you confidently recommended a movie or a book to a friend, only to have them come back later with: "You know, I really didn't like that at all"?

Not everyone is going to applaud or approve of what you produce, no matter what it is.
Leave the back door open for criticism, because some of it may make you better, but know that different opinions are what make the world interesting.

Let me offer another scrap of song lyric, this one from "Garden Party," by the late Ricky Nelson.

"But it's all right now; I've learned my lesson well. You know you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself."

Bookmark that.